Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Truthy Economics

The presidents speech was an envy driven socialist rant against the job creators and wealth generators of Wall Street. Steve Jobs created more jobs (in China) than the failed stimulus program, which didn't create a single (Chinese) job. We know this stimulus stuff doesn't work because highly paid opinion columnists tell us so every Sunday in very stern and serious voices.

Look. The stimulus program works like this. You dip a bucket into a lake on one end and then on the other, in front of a bunch of cameras you pour it back in. Of course this has no effect because the water at the opposite end of the lake rises instantly. Anyone who took physics in High School knows this and is the reason swimming is impossible. Any effort to displace water in one place only gets replaced immediately from the rest because, just like markets, fluids are perfect. Any comparison now between so called "viscosity" and "price stickiness" would imply that the world, created by God, is not perfect and, by extension, God is not perfect. Since God is perfect, so are his markets. Irrefutable!

We also know that all this stimulus, which we just proved has no effect on the market, will cause bond markets to raise inflation rates through the roof due to all the government borrowing. See it works like this. In order to take the water out of the south end of the lake to dump into the north end, the government had to "borrow" water from the east side of the lake and put it into the west side of the lake. Now the west side of the lake has the water displaced by taking the south end of the lake's water. But this water must be paid back with extra water. If this goes on too long, the east side water will see there is a giant hole and a tsunami will destroy the entire lake. If you don't think this is possible just ask Thailand if tsunamis exist. If tsunamis didn't exist then Zimbabwe could have kept printing money just like the FEDs. If you don't understand why water going east to west makes a difference, but water going north to south doesn't, pray more. Seriously, cause I don't understand it but it is clearly his will.

Finally, we are going to end up like Greece. For whatever reason at the time, Obama borrowed all the stimulus money in Drachmas. I guess he figured since the Greeks weren't using them anymore he could get a bargain. But here's the real problem. We owe more Drachmas than exist! Greece refuses to print more and we can't print more Drachmas that would be counterfeiting! What are we going to do? If we can't get more Drachmas we'll end up defaulting on our debt and humanity will come to an end.

There! Humanity will end from a tsunami caused by a hole in the lake formed by pouring water into the lake and the Greeks refusing to print water proof Drachmas. See? It makes perfect sense!

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